رجل ليس له ظل

رجل ليس له ظل

الأربعاء 1-09-2010

د: خليل فاضل

الأربعاء 01-09-2010

أين هو الأب المصرى الآن؟

الآن ومنذ منتصف السبعينات تقريباً أخذ السؤال منحنى خطيراً، لقد أصبح غياب الأب نفسياً وجسدياً علامة فارقة للطفولة المصرية، ولجيل المراهقين وللشباب.

الأب المصرى موجود، لكن دون أى وظيفة أسرية سوى بذر بذرة الحمل، أب تعنى أبوته، شأناً بيولوجياً محضاً، ربما فى عُطلته السنوية.

أب لفعل واحد فقط، وأب مع وقف التنفيذ، لا هو أب (جديد) ولا هو والد (قديم)، هو بصراحة (لا أب)، لا يترك وراءه أثراً يُقتفى، ليس له ظِلّ إذا انتصب واقفاً فى الشمس، أو مَشى بعرض الطريق، لا يعرف أولاده ولا يعرفونه.

■ (بابا فى قطر بيحوّل لنا فلوس كل شهر وبيتكلم فى التليفون كل أسبوع، وبييجى كل سنة شهر بقاله كده عشر سنين).

■ بابا نايم، وهو صاحى بيتكلم مع أصحابه فى الكورة والشغل والنسوان.

■ بابا فى السعودية بيملا زكايب دهب عشان يخزنها ويجوز أختى اللى ما شافتهوش من سن 5 سنين، وماما اللى شكلها عجِّز قوى وبترغى كتير مع جارنا البصباص، بابا عيان وبيقول إن إحنا ما وحشناهوش، بصراحة إحنا بنحبه عشان الفلوس وبس.

■ بابا فى النادى بيلعب سكواش، بالليل بيمسك إتنين ريموت ويلف سجاير حشيش ويضحك فى بلاهة.

■ بابا موجود لكنه بيتخانق مع ماما ليل نهار.

■ بابا عمره ما قعد معانا وقت له قيمة، يقول لنا رأيه فى تعليمنا وحياتنا، لا احنا فاهمينه ولا هو فاهمنا، عايش فى دنيا لوحده مع اللاب توب والفيس بوك وتويتر والإيميل.

■ بابا مسكين بيِتعب قوى، مرة عند الخفير فى العزبة بيشقَّر ع الأرض اللى بارِت، ومرة عند الوزير بيقدم طلب لنقله جنب البيت.

■ بابا مأنتخ وبيستظرف، وبيستخف دمه!

■ بابا فين؟! عنده أمه بتزغّطه وتطبطب عليه!

■ بابا مشغول قوى بيلعب بلاى ستيشن مع أصحابه.

الأبوة فن وغريزة وإحساس ومعرفة، وليست القدرة على الإنجاب، ولذلك لا يجب أن نتعجب إذا رأينا بعض الرجال يرفض أن ينجب خشية المسؤولية، أو لعدم القدرة أو الإحساس الحقيقى بها، أو لأنه يرى أن تحقيق ذاته العملية والعلمية أهم من تربية أولاده، وهذه هى المصيبة التى لا يدركها من تزوج وخلف واكتشف أن مستقبله السياسى، وكنز الذهب والفضة والترقى الوظيفى، هو هدفه فى الحياة وأن الزواج والخِلفة دول كمالة عدد، وأن إهماله لهم عادى.

بعض هؤلاء الرجال يسمى ابنه على اسم أخيه أو أخى المدام، ويسافر الكويت أو بلاد الواق واق ويولى أمرَه للخال أو للعم أو الجار وللدكتور النفسانى، ويطمئن أو لا يطمئن عليه بين الحين والآخر، يدفع للذى يتولى التربية، لكن هو غائب، مشغول، بيعمل قرش للواد الذى أصبح مدمناً، أو بيبنى له شقة، بعد ما فشل فى بناء ابنه نفسه.

الأبوة لا تعنى الشَخط والنَهر والضرْب والحِرمان وعَدْم العافية، ولا تعنى الإفساد والتدليل والإفراط فى تلبية كل الاحتياجات خاصة المادية.

ابنك يحتاجك.. خاصة قبل وعند وبعد البلوغ، لتكون معه وأمامه وخلفه، رجلاً يشرح وينصح.. ينقُد دون أن يجرَح ويمدَح دون أن يمرَع.

ابنك محتاج راجل ملو هدومه يشوفه قدَّامه يفهِّمُه يعنى إيه بلوغ وجنس وزواج ومسؤولية.

اعرف نفسك واعرف ابنك، عشان تربى أولادك لازم تعرفهم كويس، وعشان تعرفهم لازم ترعاهم وتبقى عارف مشاكلهم وهمومهم وحياتهم، يعنى تبقى معاهم، جزء من حياتهم مش بَرَّاها، تضمّهم وتلمّهم وتاخدهم فى حضنك، تمسك إيدهم وتاخد برأيهم وتشاركهم، لا تُشيِّئهم ولا تعتبرهم عيال، وعشان تبقى متواجد لازم توفر الوقت، ولازم تدّبره وتديره، طبعا هتسأل إزاىّ إن شاء الله وأنا بأعمل دكتوراه، وباسعى فى الأرض زى الناس، الأب أب مش C.V، ولا شهادات متعلقة على الحيطة ولا عمارة ولا شركة وعربية وشاليه وأرض وبهايم وزكايب فلوس، الأب كيان دون اعتذار أو تنحى أو اختفاء أو التخلِّى عن المسؤولية، مستقبلك العملى ووظيفتك وترقيتك وطموحك مش هتتأثر إذا أصبحت أب كويس.

هناك آباء لا يعرفون لغة الجسد، بمعنى أنهم غير قادرين على حمل أطفالهم أو احتضانهم أو تقْبيلهم.. ربما لم يتعودوا من آبائهم ذلك، لكن ليس لأبنائهم ذنب، خاصةً فى المراحل العُمرية الأولى.

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