ابني بيقول لي أنا فاشل يا ماما !

ابني بيقول لي أنا فاشل يا ماما !

الثلاثاء 28-01-2014

ابني بيقول لي أنا فاشل يا ماما !

بقلم : منى جابر
اخصائية طفولة مبكرة و ارشاد اسرى

« مش عارف » « أنا فاشل » « دى صعبة أوى « و كلمات كثير غيرها ممكن نسمعها من أولادنا و رغم ما تحمله من معنى سلبي إلا أنها تعتبر بمثابة الترمومتر الذي يساعدنا على فهم كيف يرى أبنائنا أنفسهم و الذين يُكونون صورتهم عن نفسهم من خلالنا و من خلال العالم الخارجي .

و عادة نجد هؤلاء الأطفال الذين يحملون صورة سلبية عن ذواتهم لا يكونون متفائلين حول نواتج جهودهم و في حالة حصولهم على مكافئة أو تفوقهم في مجال ما يعتبرونها نتيجة للصدفة أو ضربة حظ .

بالإضافة لما سبق نجدهم :

  • يصفون أنفسهم بصفات سلبية مثل أنا وحش ، أنا فاشل ، أنا غبي .
  • يحبطون بسهولة .
  • يفقدون حماسهم بسرعة حتى أثناء اللعب .
  • يتوقع الفشل .
  • يتجنبون المبادرة أو المشاركة في أنشطة جماعية .
  • يشعر بالنقص و قد يقارن نفسه بالآخرين .

و التغلب على هذة المشكلة يمر بمرحلتين :

المرحلة الاولى : ( مع الوالدين )

حيث انه لكي يساعد الوالدين أبنائهم لتغلب على هذه المشكلة و مساعدتهم على تكوين صورة ذات ايجابية على كلاً منهما أن يسأل نفسه أولا  « من أنا » حيث غالباً ما تؤثر صورتك عن نفسك على انطباعاتك عن أبنائك و التي يكونون بناء عليها انطباعاتهم عن أنفسهم .

من أنا كـ أنسأن ؟

من أنا كـ زوج / زوجة ؟

من أنا كـ أب / كـ أم ؟

من أنا في عملي ؟

فأن لم تجد إجابة أو كانت إجابتك على هذا السؤال تحمل انطباع سلبي ! ! عليك بالبحث عن نقاط القوى و النقاط الايجابية لديك علماً بأن الإجابة على ذلك السؤال ليست بالسهولة التي قد نتخيلها . و لكن أن وجدت صعوبة شديدة في الإجابة على السؤال عليك بطلب المساعدة من متخصص .

المرحلة الثانية : ( مع الأبناء )

  1. أقبل طفلك كما هو و لا تقارنه بأحد من أخواته أو زملائه .
  2. ساعد طفلك أن يرى ايجابياته و أن يصدقها .
  3. خصص وقت للحديث معه عن نفسه ، شجعه أن يتحدث عن نفسه و عن مواقف مر بها و وضح له الجانب الايجابي في تصرفه .
  4. اشكره عندما يفعل شئ حتى و أن كان بسيطاً .
  5. افتخر به أمام العائلة و أمام أصدقائك .
  6. علمه الاستقلال من خلال إعطائه بعض المهام المنزلية ليقوم بها بنفسه و أشكره على انجازها حتى و أن لم ينجزها على أكمل وجه .
  7. أعطى ابنك مهام بسيطة في البداية حتى يستطيع انجازها فأن ذلك يشعره بالكفاءة ، ثم أبدء في تدريج المهام حسب الصعوبة من السهل للصعب .
  8. لا تنتقده أمام الآخرين ( أخواته / أقاربه / زملائه ) .
  9. خصص وقت للعب معه .
  10. عندما تواجه ابنك مشكلة لا تقدم له الحل على طبق من فضه و أنما ساعده أن يستعمل عقله في إيجاد حلول بديله للمشكلة .
  11. زود ابنك بخبرات تتناسب مع عُمره فأن لم تجد خبرات حقيقية لديك فمن الممكن الاعتماد على القصص فهي تزود الطفل بمواقف و طرق عديدة لمهارات حل المشكلات .
  12. كن صبوراً فالتغيير يحتاج بعض الوقت .
  13. و أخيرا شجع السلوك الايجابي و تجنب العقاب قدر الإمكان .

 

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