استشارة حول توكيد الذات

استشارة حول توكيد الذات

الثلاثاء 24-01-2017

 

صدمت وانا في عمر 18 بان قرر ابواي تزويجي وانا لست مستعدة للزواج بعد … والطامة الكبرى اني لا ارغب بذلك الشخص بالضبط … اعني هو اكبر مني بكثير ومن اقاربي … منذ ذلك الوقت وانا اعاني نفسيا لا استطيع التركيز في الحصص الدراسية وفي اغلب الاحيان تاتيني رغبة بالانتحار …. ما ان يذكر احد امامي موضوع الزواج حتى يتعكر مزاجي و تارة ابكي …. لا اعرف كيف اخرج من هده الحالة

الرد على الاستشارة:
إن مشاعر الضيق والرغبة في البكاء، وتعكر مزاجك وعدم قدرتك على التركيز، ورغبتك في انهاء حياتك تأتي من عدم مقدرتك على مواجهة الموقف الضاغط الذي تتعرضين له حالياً، انت بحاجة الى توكيد ذاتك، والخطوة الأولى لتحقيق ذلك هو بمصارحة والديك بعدم رغبتك في هذا الزواج، ويمكنك أن تبدأي في الحوار مع أحد والديك (الأقرب إليك) حتى تستطيعين التعبير عن مشاعرك وانفعلاتك وتحويلها إلى كلمات صريحة ومنطوقة دون خوف أو عدائية.
وإليك 3 طرق بسيطة قد تساعدك على توكيد ذاتك:
1) قولي “لا” :
حينما لا ترغبين بفعل شيء ما فقط قولي ” لا” ، وعلى الرغم من وضوح الطريقة إلا أن كلمة “لا” قد تكون الاصعب بسبب التوقع المسبق لرد الفعل الذي سوف تحصلين عليه، ومن المهم أن تعرفي أن أي شخص من حقه أن يطلب ما يريد، ومن حقك أن ترفضي إذا لم ترغبي في فعل ما يريدون. وهذه الطريقة إذا مارستيها بشكلها الصحيح فستساعدك على تخفيف صراعاتك ورسم الحدود الخاصة بك .
2) الاسطوانة المشروخة:
إن الاسطوانة إذا حدث بها اي شرخ فإنها تقوم بتكرار اللحن مراراً وتكراراً، وهذا ما يجب عليكي فعله، أن تعيدي نفس الرسالة التى ترغبين في توصيلها مراراً وتكراراً، حتى يتأكد الآخرون من أنك لن تحيدي عن هذا الرأي، ويكون هذا الاسلوب فعال في الحالات التي يقاطعك فيها الآخر ويعترض على ماتقولين قبل أن تنهي كلامك أو توضحي فكرتك، انتظري إلى أن ينتهي الشخص الذي قاطعك من الحديث وعندئذ تجاهلي تماماً ماقاله واستأنفي توضيح فكرتك الاصلية.
3) التشويش:
يستخدم هذا الاسلوب مع الاشخاص الذين يتصرفون بعدائية أثناء النقاش، فهم حينما ينفعلون فهم يتوقعون منك استجابة انفعالية عدوانية مثلهم، وينبغي عليك أن تتوخي الحذر حتى لا تقعي في هذا الفخ، فالتشويش يساعدك على التحكم في نفسك وفي الحوار، وهنا ينبغي عليك أن تجدي نقطة موافقة صغيرة في جدالهم معك، وحينما تفعلين ذلك فانك تقومين بارباك الشخص المنفعل لانه ببساطة لا يتوقع أن توافقيه في اي شيء.
وهناك بعض النقاط المهمة التى يجب عليكي وضعها في الحسبان:
– معرفة كافة الحقائق والتفاصيل المتعلقة بهذا الموقف.
– كوني مستعدة وضعي توقعات لسلوكيات الآخرين، وجهزي نفسك لكافة الاحتمالات.
– جهزي ردود أفعالك لاستجابات الاخرين العدوانية والحادة.
– آمني بنفسك وبقدراتك وباسلوبك على مواجهة هذا الموقف.
– اشعري بالتعاطف تجاه الآخرين، ولا تشعري بالخوف منهم.
تمنياتي لك بحياة سعيدة ومستقرة…
أ.هاجر عادل معالج نفسي من فريق د.خليل فاضل

 

 

 

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