How to Stop Being Judgmental كيف تتوقف عن كونك شخصية حكمية (كثير الحكم على الناس)

How to Stop Being Judgmental كيف تتوقف عن كونك شخصية حكمية (كثير الحكم على الناس)

السبت 24-12-2016

 

 

اعداد مارية الحلبي معالجة نفسية من فريق دكتور خليل فاضل
نحن نبذل الكثير من وقتنا وجهدنا في الحكم على الآخرين. ويبدو أنه من خلال الحكم على الآخرين نشعر بالتفوق عليهم مما يجعلنا نشعر مؤقتا أننا أحسن – أنه يقوي الأنا لدينا. ولكن هذا الشعور هو قصير الأمد، في حين أن سلوكنا الحكمي له عواقب سلبية هائلة حيث نميل إلى تفصيل الناس عن بعضهم البعض، وهذا بدوره يخلق الصراع الاجتماعي والمعاناة.
إذا كنا نريد أن نشعر أننا متحدين مع باقي البشر مرة أخرى، نحتاج إلى كسر عادة الحكم عليهم، حتى نتمكن من البدء في النظر إليهم على ما هم عليه حقاً، من دون المفاهيم الخاطئة. ستجد 3 نصائح هامة لفتح قلبك حول كيفية التوقف عن كونك شخصية حكمية، هذه النصائح ستساعدك على تطوير سلوك أكثر تعاطفا تجاه الناس وأن تعيش معهم بسلام.

  1. استيعاب من أين جاءوا
    السبب الأساسي وراء اطلاق أحكامنا على الناس هو أننا حقا لا نفهمهم. ولأننا لا نفهمهم، بسرعة نطلق عليهم الأحكام.
    على سبيل المثال، إذا كان شخص يتصرف بطريقة بغيضة ، نسميه أو نسميها “الشر”. والحقيقة هي أنه بكل الأحوال ليس هنالك أي شخص هو خير أو شر مطلق ، واتهامهم بذلك فإننا نبني جدار بيننا وبينهم لا يسمح لنا أن نعرف من هم حقاً. والشخص الذي يتصرف بطريقة بغيضة في الواقع ليس سوى شخص مع ماض قاس – شخص خضع للصعوبات والتجارب المؤلمة التي مرت عليه، والذي يحاول مواجهة الحياة بهذه الطريقة.

بوضع نفسك فى مكان الناس وفهم قصتهم، خلفيتهم والظروف الحالية التي يعيشون فيها، سوف تبدأ ببلورة موقف غير حكمي تجاههم من شأنه أن يساعدك على أن تراهم تحت ضوء جديد، سوف تراهم بوضوح كما هم، بدون أحكام مسبقة تشوه ذواتهم الحقيقية.

  1. اقبلهم بعيوبهم
    ومن الحقائق التي لا يمكن إنكارها أن كل إنسان لديه عيوب ويرتكب الأخطاء في الحياة. ليس هناك من هو أو يمكن أن يكون مثالي، وبالتالي لا ينبغي لنا أن نتوقع أن يكون الناس على هذا النحو.

العديد من المرات نحكم على الآخرين لأنهم ليسوا كما توقعناهم أو بسبب كونهم لا ينسجمون مع الصورة المثالية التي افترضناها عنهم. والحقيقة هي أن كل شخص على الأرض هو شخص فريد ونحن بحاجة إلى قبول الناس كما هم، دون فرض أفكارنا للكيفية التي ينبغي أن يكونوا عليها.

يتعين علينا ان نحتضن الآخرين مع مجمل وجودنا، وبفعل هذا مرة واحدة فقط، يمكن أن تنمو الرحمة الحقيقية داخلنا. بالطبع، هذا لا يعني أننا يجب أن لا تنتقد أفكار وسلوك الناس، قدم لهم النصيحة أو ساعدهم بأي وسيلة ممكنة لتحسين مستوى حياتهم. ولكن علينا أن ندرك أن الجميع يواجه المشاكل والتحديات خلال رحلة حياتهم، والحكم عليهم لعدم كونهم مثاليين يكون حكم قاسي وغير ناضج.

  1. أحببهم دون شروط
    ماذا نجني بالحكم على الآخرين وأن نكون قاسين عليهم؟ لا شى. الحكم لا يساعد أي شخص بأي شكل من الأشكال. أنها تساعد فقط في بناء الجدران حول قلوبنا تمنعنا من الاتصال مع الناس وبناء علاقات سليمة معهم.
    لقد حان الوقت أن نكسر تلك الجدران وتدمير وهم الانفصال. لقد حان الوقت لكي نحتضن بعضنا البعض من خلال اظهار الحب غير المشروط. بحكمنا على الآخرين، فإننا ننفصل عنهم، والحب وحده يمكن أن يساعدنا أن نفتح قلوبنا ونشعر أنا متحدون مرة أخرى.
    الحب هو الفهم النهائي والسبيل الوحيد لشفاء أنفسنا وخلق عالم أكثر جمالا.

 

 

 

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